GOP Collects Ransom; Hostage Released, Has Bleeding Anus

The two houses of Congress have come to what some satirists call a "compromise"--along the lines of "You give us all we want, and we'll say we want more." Our system has been broken by a gaggle of right-wing extremists behaving like a couple of teenagers who have broken into their parents' liquor cabinet. 

It looks as though Republicans might achieve their goal, stated by their own leaders: ensure Barak Obama is not re-elected. Not create jobs; not strengthen the U.S. economy, not ensure the U.S. can remain a leader in scientific innovation and technology; just block Obama because, not only is he a Democrat, but also because he's, you know, different.

God Hedges His Bets

There are no strong Republican challengers to the re-election of President Barack Obama and, at this point, predicting who will win the Republican primary is a tough call. So tough, in fact, that even God is hedging his bets.

Texas governor Rick Perry is the latest Republican to claim being called by God to accept the privilege of running for the nomination for president. Perry has given up all hope that Americans can improve the nation's economy, ensure security and welfare, and deal with natural disasters, suggesting we let God handle it. Some folks think Perry is out of favor with God, since his call for Texans to pray for drought-ending rain has been answered by the spread of Hellish conditions in the Lone Star State.

Other Republicans claiming summons from God include Michelle (Pray-Away-the-Gay) Bachmann, who made her claim in an interview in the WingNut Daily back in 2009. Fellow conservative Republican Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller has reported that God is punishing Bachmann by serving her up with migraines. The piece did not seem to mention the Curse of Eve, however.

Pizza maker Herman Cain also has God's nomination (Hear him on You-Tube here). Cain vows to protect America by not appointing any Muslims to his cabinet, if elected.

Apparently the field of celebrities provides pretty poor pickings for a presidential candidate, so God has also placed a bet on some guy in Rolla, Missouri. Paul Sims describes himself as an "ordinary citizen and everyday man...George Washington of today." He can be seen describing his call from God and his platform here. His solution for economic recovery is to throw out regulations and make taxes optional.

You may remember that George W. Bush declared that he was called by God to be our nation's leader, and God told him to invade Iraq. Perhaps that was Dick Cheny hiding under a desk and speakinig in a funny voice. Anyway, we all know how well that leadership worked out.

Although Bush claimed to be called by God to lead the country, his attorney general, John Ashcroft, actually  had himself anointed with oil in the manner of Israelite Kings Saul and David.

Since incumbent President Obama is expected to run for re-election, there is no crowd of Democratic hopefuls vying for the party's nomination. I guess it's just as well; according to a PPP poll on God's job approval:  

There is also an ideological divide over God’s performance. Those who identify as very liberal approve of God 54-18, while those who identify as very conservative are almost uniform in their approval, 61-4.

Did Palin reveal true feelings?

Did Sarah Palin reveal her true feelings when she used the term "blood libel" in her attempt to portray herself as the victim of Saturday's assassination attempt on Arizonaa's first Jewish Congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords? Some people believe it to have been the utmost callousness; I think it was Palin's gross ignorance and her reliance on others to do much of her work for her.

For those who don't know or haven't yet heard, "blood libel" refers to the anti-semitic charge that Jews murder Christian babies and drink their blood, or make matzohs with the blood. As foolish as it is, this charge has been the basis for much anti-semitic activity. 

I suspect Palin was at best only vaguely familiar with the term, thinking it simply referred to any false charge (or, quite likely, that was the thinking of her writers), and did not realize associating this term with an attempt to kill a Jew. After all, she was only trying to tell Real Americans that she was the victim.

And the gunsights she drew on the map of America, including Giffords' location? As she (well, her people) explained, they were just surveying symbols. Or bunnies, or unicorns. 

Don't fret, Sarah...we know you have to reload your victimhood. Along with "Second Amendment remedies" Angle, "Armed and dangerous" Bachmann, and all those other politicians and media personalities who have been saying it may be necessary to revolt against our illegitimate government. And that includes all those liberals who bring guns to political rallies and call for the overthrow of the elected government (or would, if there were any; but oddly enough, there aren't).  

Bill McCormack: Lie down, you sack of shit

Last night on Public Radio International's "To the Point," the discussion concerned proposed health care provision reform from a religious angle. You might imagine that folks representing religion would hold the view that the morally right thing to do would be to help as many people be as healthy as possible while holding down costs for everyone as much as possible. That's not always the case.

One Man of God, Bill McCormack of the Christian Coalition, vented detectable hatred toward the reformers, and especially toward President Obama. I'm sure if I were across the table from him I would have seen flecks of spittle flying hither and yon. Of course, he had to bring up the Wingnut Lie that the government would institute a program of euthanasia. Euthanasia? That's not in the bill, protested host Warren Olney. "Yes it is," replied His Sirreverence, who continued with his deranged description of health care in America. We're number one in the world! he claimed, speaking with an air that assumed his point was correct (We're number 37 in overall health system performance; France is number one, according to the World Health Organization). Some minutes later, Olney pressed him again about the bill containing a provision for euthanasia. This time the Unpleasant Pastor conceded that no, the word "euthanasia" was not in the bill, but the intent certainly was.

So the question is: is this man merely deluded, or is he a lying sack of shit?

Obama fails to protect America from terrorists

It looks like the Republican fear-mongers were right after all, when they told us that President Obama would fail to protect America from terrorism. This past Sunday, a religious zealot committed an act of terrorism inside a Kansas church, assassinating an usher.

This was no typical murder, but rather part of terrorist activity that has been ongoing for years. The murdered usher, Dr. George Tiller, had been harassed for over 25 years, and the doctor had been shot before. All part of a campaign to terrorize Americans by a group of jihadists who are convinced they are carrying out the will of God, abetted by right-wing talk-show hosts like Bill O'Reilly and columnists who have been demonizing Dr. Tiller and others.

Perhaps we should accept former Vice President Richard Cheney's counsel. Round up anti-abortionists and people with Jesusfish on their cars, imprison them overseas, and waterboard them until they reveal their next targets. So far, I haven't seen any of those conservative pundits suggest that we use torture for these domestic terrorists. I wonder why.

Who would Jesus murder?