Okay, Santa...Bring it on!

The U.S. military will be providing Santa Claus with an escort of fighter jets this year. Baby Jesus is hunkered down, ready to shoot those jets and Santa out of the sky. "It's my birthday! All those presents are mine!" the god-child is reported to have said.

The War on Christmas(TM) seems to have gotten a bit strange this year. Bill O'Reilly, please enlighten us with your usual cogent analysis.

Longer Than the War in Afghanistan

Time to put up the holiday decorations again! I'd like to offer a 21-gun salute to the brave soldiers in the trenches of the War on Christmas. They have been remarkably resilient in the aftermath of their crushing defeat at the polls November 6th. They have banished some of their generals but may be regrouping under others (old strategies wearing new stars).

The image of the Nativity would not be complete without a visit from Three Wise Guys, who came to remind the Republican base that the meek have inherited the White House, because they're moochers and takers.

But we have to leave it to determined War correspondent Jon Stewart to explain how enormous is the gulf between reality and the Christmas-Republican Alliance for Profit (CRAP).

The Annual War on Christmas Continues

This year's annual War on Christmas issue is dedicated to one of Baby Jesus' favorite generals, Texas governor Rick Perry, who appeared on YouTube dressed as a gay cowboy to rant about teh gay soldiers who risk their lives to preserve his freedom to curse them.

Following up on his religious, anti-gay rant, Perry had an interview (see here)with the editors of the Des Moines Register, in which complained about government getting involved in controlling religion in public schools. Except Texas government, which is needed to set aside prayer time and to wage war against evolution, climate change, and other sciences. Perry further demonstrated his creativity by referring to the "eight" Supreme Court justices who are making these decisions instead of Texas government bureaucrats.

And, of course, Perry blames it all on President Obama.

Baby Jesus declares war...

...against those who have engaged in the annual War Against Christmas (TM). Intelligence sources report (and this is a slam dunk) that the young Messiah has acquired six nuclear weapons as well as biowarfare capabilities. If those weapons are used, then this year's War promises to be the deadliest yet. Another disturbing report tells of hundreds of well-trained, elite suicide baptizers who have been promised seventy times seven virgins in Heaven if they complete their missions of terror.