So much woo in such a small head

Part of my job is to provide answers to members of the public who call in with requests for information. These generally are along the lines of how deep is the aquifer in my area, what kind of rock is in my neighborhood, or where can I go look for fossils. The other day someone called and made my head spin.

I could barely get a word in edgewise; she was speaking nonstop, jumping from subject to subject like a flea on a frying pan. Part of what she was saying went something like this:

Praise Jesus! Are you familiar with the chemicals that make the water in Fiji I was studying Fiji and their water problems and do you have records of the water quality from colonial times to compare with today why do we have to pay for pure water because water is god's gift to man and it should be provided free from the federal government because "federal" comes from "feed" and evolved from local then state now federal but now we have to pay because of bad morals and you know Japanese industry didn't account to anything until after World War II when they got rid of the geisha girls because there was such immorality in Singapore now they have coral calcium water in Japan and the people in Prince George's County need to know this and do you have records of successful marriages going back all these years because all those minerals water is made from like silica and the congressman and Fiji...

We keep all our notes on loose women in the drawer with the geophysical logs, and I didn't feel like opening that drawer. I figured since she wanted demographic information (records of immorality, broken down by county), her best bet (or my only relief) was for her to call the State planning department.