Sunday, June 25, 2006

Avast, me holy harties

Let's make learning about the Bible fun for children. Let's adopt a theme of murder, rape, and pillage! That's the approach taken by the Mt. Zion Baptist Church in southern Pennsylvania:

Arr, we'll be teachin' ye how to swoop in on yer prey like a hawk on a pigeon. One lesson that is a favorite o' mine is the story of how Jael, the godly wife of Heber hammered a tent peg into the brain of Sisera, the Canaanite general, who foolishly thought he had found sanctuary in the house of Heber his friend. Now don't that just make ye feel warm all over?

Aye, ye will learn that Noah was a pirate who sailed around the sea,
Wi' half a dozen wenches and a big menagerie.
He failed the first season when it rained for forty days,
For in that sort o' weather, privateering never pays.

And also:
Esau was a pirate of the wild and wooly make,
Half the swag belonged to him and half belong to Jake;
Now Esau thought that his right to the swag was rather bum,
So he sold it out to Jakey for a sandwich and some rum.

Do ye know the real reason Jesus was put to death? Aye, the Roman armada caught him when he had come ashore to bury his swag.

So, me little precious darlin's, join me crew this summer and learn some real lessons, else I'll be comin' after ye and sendin' ye down to Davy Jones' locker!


Anonymous catherine said...

I've just entered your blog in my list under "Jesus was a pirate." Oh, maybe I'll change it to "arrrrrgh."

Saw your comment on Red State Rabble. Catherine

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please, "arrrgh!" is an exclamtion which typically denotes some sort of discomort on the part of the utterer. "Arrr!" is an all-purpose piratey sound: use it to express pleasure, pain, annoyance, surprise, what have you - pepper your speech with it - but don't say "arrrgh!' unless you've quite recently been hornswaggled or perhaps keelhauled.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Paul Decelles said...

This is a spoof right? Is scary but there are real Christian pirates at the Discovery Institute and IDnet, oh and of course Dr. Dino and the current Kansas Board of Education.

1:15 PM  

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